These aren't my clothes, they belong to my 4 lovely grandchildren, 3 boys and 1 girl, all under 10 years old.
Now, as we proceed on this journey, we all have our loads to carry. Mine came in a not so neatly wrapped package.
First of all you may have seen the word SELFISH earlier - well that is my biggest fault. I am selfish and am learning everyday just how selfish I am. My selfishness goes back more than 40 years. I had 3 bikes, and a little girl next door climbed on one and I pushed her off. It was the first time my Dad (who I loved and admired with all my heart, who could do no wrong) gave me a spanking. He told me I was being selfish, and promptly put all the bikes away. If I couldn't share, then I couldn't ride.
I remember that day, because i could not believe that my Daddy spanked Me! It didn't have that much effect, other than cement my acting career. I would pretend that I like to share, but deep down inside, I hated it, WHAT'S MINE IS MINE.
Fast forward - I have great stories of selfishness, unfortunately, I see the result in my daughter, who is the mother of the 4 lovely grandchildren. I became a grandmother at age 35, much to my chagrin. But I had no plans of raising them. I have my own life to live, my own stuff to do, I don't have time for grandchildren, I have never even been on a cruise.
My motto was Granny will be back!
It was a known fact throughout my entire circle that I didn't like kids - The truth is that I did not like the responsibility of children, that's why I only had one. I don't like cooking, laundry, buying clothes and shoes for someone other than myself. I like to come and go as I please, I have a convertible that comfortably seats 2.
Well let me tell you what I found out...
GOD DOESN'T GIVE A DARN ABOUT WHAT I LIKE!
When I said to him, Your will be done in my life, He took it seriously. I thought I meant it, but I have learned you have to be careful when you give your life to God, because He is going to do things with it.Oh I know all the great stories of the Bible, when he made ordinary people do extraodinary things. But this is centuries later, and I know I'm not worthy.
Anyway, here's the amazing overview of how I knew God had decided that I would play a major role in these kids lives.
First of all, I haven't applied for a job that I got in over 14 years, probably longer -
See Post - THE JOBS GOD GAVE ME - coming soon. One of the jobs He gave me was as a computer teacher at a elementary charter school. I got it because he had given me a job teaching computer classes at an urban adult education extension center and the director referred me to the charter school. I was hired on the spot, even though I wasn't looking for a job.
Then of course because it was a new school they were short handed, and I was offered a teachers assistant position as well as computer teacher. Now everybody,and I do mean everybody I knew was shocked that I was working with children - everybody knew that I could not stand to be in the same room with children for more than 20 minutes, without edging toward the door.
But God had other plans, I learned way more than I taught. I learned about early childhood education, child behavior, how to identify neglect. I learned what children should know by the 3rd grade, and I realized that many African American children are behind, and why. I learned that there is a true cultural difference between the education of the children. I learned that children want to be smart, but if it is not a priorty in the home, then its not a priorty for them. I learned that children should not be passed if they can't master their grade.
I learned that we wasted over $50,000 on my daughters private school education, because we did not ensure that she had mastered the fundamentals at an early age. We enrolled her in private school in the 6th grade. Hell, she was already behind. I learned that she needed me to make sure that she understood her classwork & homework was done. I learned that education is a circle, I teach her, school builds on what I taught, school teaches her, I build on that. We are a team in her education and one can not totally succeed without the other. Period.
God knows everything, so He didn't leave me at the school very long, it would not have been beneficial for either of us. I know I impacted some childrens lives, but they had a greater impact on mine.
The next thing He did was to give me a big old house - 3 bedrooms and a full attic. Notice I said GIVE - God gave me my house - I will elaborate on this later because the story is amazing. Bottom line, I had no money, I mean none, my credit was so bad I could not get layaway (thats a joke, but I couldn't get any credit). But God gave me this house.
As all this was happening, my lovely daughter kept having babies - my worst nightmare, I blamed myself, I was mad at her, I could see her ruining her life. Oh by the way, I wasn't praying for her, I was just criticizing her.
Then God gave me a new job, this one with flexible work schedule and wonderful family oriented people. I learned the importance of family. I worked for a higher education association at an university, and I was the only staff member without a degree. All of a sudden all of my peers had Masters and PH'D's. I saw God's hand in this, because again, I was not worthy.
During this time I reunited with my birth mom and younger sister who adopted 4 children (I always felt that she was paying my debt) - I'll tell you about my adoption later. I also took them to Cleveland and introduced them to my ex and his family, which gave me the opportunity to introduce my grandchildren to 4 generations on both sides.
Then God decided to ease me into this thing. The first year, My daughter went to work at 5am, and needed some help getting the children to school, so I would pick them up in the morning and take them to school. It was on my way and they didn't have to be at school until 9:30am. On the drive in we practiced our spelling words, talked about current events, and I got them prepared for learning. We did this for 1 year. I attended all events and meetings. Things went well. I wasn't too inconvenienced.
Last year, her living situation changed, and it would have been necessary for her to wake the children up at 4:30 am take them to a babysitter, then they would go to school. I offered that she would bring the children here in the evening, at 8pm - don't want to cramp my style too much, have their clothes ready and I would take them to school. This was a little harder, I had to wake them, make sure they washed faces and brushed teeth, hair combed, etc, but we made it through,
Then over the summer God unveiled a couple things. My daughter came to me with a black eye, the guy she was staying with had got drunk and hit her with the phone. I told her to come home, which she did for a little while, but of course she went back, I was traveling and didn't see the kids much over the summer but life was grand for me, school was out, no kids and I was feeling footloose and fancy free.
One day she came over with the kids, they were dirty and hungry, but aren't kids always? They stayed later than normal, but as they were getting ready to leave, one of the kids asked - Mommy where are we sleeping tonight? She told them to go get in the van, and they left. But that did it. When I talked to her again, she told me that they had been sleeping over her friends or in the van, & she needed money.
She said she was overwhelmed, it was then that I realized that I couldn't help her I told her this:
I don't know how to help you. Just giving you $50 or $100 isn't going to make a difference. All I can do is give you to God. I suggested that she pray, and ask God to help her. Only he can work this thing out. If she could not find it in her heart to pray for herself, then she needed to pray for her children, that God would help her with them. I closed the conversation by offering that she and the children come and stay with me. She left.
Dear God, its me, Judy again.
Lord, I thank You for all You have done, but this time I don't know what to do. I am torn and You know how I really feel deep down in my soul. I told her to call on You, yet I realized that I never really introduced You to her. Yes, I offered for them to come here, but You know that I don't really want them here. She is going to expect for me to do all the work, and they are going to tear up everything. Lots of noise, arguing, all of my bills are going to go up. I really just want peace in my life. But I do understand one thing, You gave me this house, and there were strings attached to it, and those strings are attached to those children. So, I ask You to give me the strength, to remove this selfishness, I know that if I do not share, You will take it from me, as it is only by Your Grace, that I have a home myself, You have prepared me, and I apologize for how I feel, but You know my heart. Whats that song? , Give me a clean heart so I may serve Thee. Lord, fix my heart so that I may be used by Thee Again I can't remember the words, but You know what I mean. Please God just help me through this.
A couple months later she came back, the boyfriend had thrown all her belongings out into the rain, & broken what little furniture she had.
I told her to come here, quit the stupid job, come here and take some time to get herself together. Just come home.
They came, I didn't even have beds for them to sleep in, but you know God took care of that, as well as dressers. The boys are in the attic, they have a pool table, and foosball game. My daughter and granddaughter sleep in one room. The kids grades all show tremendous improvement.
Things were fine, but the devil would have none of that. My daughter was working for a local tax preparer, and her hours dropped off. She began to disappear, leaving the children home alone. There was an incident of one child cutting another, while they were home alone, after school. I began to pay a sitter from 4 - 6, just until I could get home.
The sitter was watching them here, then she rented an apartment just 2 blocks from the elementary school, and then last week she called me to have their mother pick them up from her house at 6pm . I called my daughter at 2pm, to tell her, she told me that she was about to go out of town and she would text their dad to pick them up. He called, not knowing what was going on. The sitter said he picked the kids up DRUNK.
My daughter was due back in town on Friday (before Easter), she did not return until Sunday.
God spoke to my heart and said - Now is the time.
On Easter Sunday, my daughter and I had The Talk. I told her this cannot go on. Just give me guardianship, custody or whatever. I have been charged by God to do what is right. He has been preparing me for this. I apologized for her childhood, I told her how selfish she was being, and how selfish I had been. but we must break the cycle. These children are in danger, of being lost to ignorance, gangs, alcohol, drugs, & abuse. Please just give them to me.
I haven't seen her since. 8 days, she called and told them she was coming to get them yesterday. No sight of her.
Dear God, its me Judy again,
Well here we are, I've cooked, done 10 loads of laundry, none of it mine. I know that You will not forsake me, but I am tired already. I know this is just the beginning. I don't know what You have planned for me or these children, all I ask is that You wrap Your arms around all of us, including their mom. Help me to raise these children to worship You. Thank you for the wonderful people you have placed in my life for support. I know it's not going to be easy, I know that I may have to postpone my cruise for a few more years. Right now i will focus on making sure these children have what they need, please let me teach them as my mother taught me. Let them see you work in my life and show them how you can work in theirs. You gave them to me, please keep me and them healthy, so that we can do Your will.
As you journey with me, you will see me at my highest and my lowest. You will also see God working in my life. Just remember, as he did it for others, and me, He will do it for you. Keep in mind that Gods blessings come with strings attached. You must use them to bless others and you must give God the Glory. Thats just for starters. Its not an easy road to travel, but I tell you what I wouldn't want to imagine it any other way.
Well, its time to start cooking dinner - got to pick them up at 6.
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